In my experience, people cling to truths but turn them into crutches or sometimes lies. When we are scared of the answers we only ask questions we can manipulate. When we are confronted, we push out our chest and brandish our false code of honor with hope that people won’t see through us.
We seek to be validated by the outer world. The friends who enable us just want to have fun. The spouse who fights with us is jaded. The parents who just want to see us happy and are too scared to call us out. We carry our deepest desires in a place we no longer know how to access. We lock it in there with a key we hid deep in our narcism.
Our “memories” become walls that we have built up around our fortress of dreams and latent desires. These memories of pain, embarrassment, anger, sadness are protecting us from taking the risk of opening that fortress. If we were to open that door and embrace what we really want then we might have to change. We might have to give up things we are used to. We might have to learn new things. We will have to put down the weight of our delusions.
The problem is that we have created strong sentiments towards that weight. Those delusions have defined a large portion of ourselves that we identify with. It seems impossible, almost insane to put it down! It feels like we are abandoning ourselves and thus, the stories arise.
The minute the thought of change and expansion enters our heads we start rationalizing why we carry that weight.
“This is who I am. If people don’t like me then screw them.” (Translation: I made a mistake and instead of owning it I am reacting to your reaction).
“ Oh, that looks crazy. That isn’t me. I’m not like that” (translation: That looks cool but scary!)
“ I want to try that but what will my spouse think? what will my parents think? What will my friends say?” (Translation: people know me to be a certain way and I don’t want to disrupt that).
All of this happens in just seconds. Do you remember a time when an opportunity arose and it made you vibrate with nervousness? It made you blush and sweat? Then do you remember declining? What happens is that we get so scared to step into something new. To step outside our comfort zone that we become experts at avoiding these opportunities so we spare ourselves that feeling of fear. We usually get embarrassed when presented with those opportunities and that is when shame sets in.
We are ashamed that we said no and didn’t at least TRY. Once shame sets in our dreams and desires are the first thing to be cast away. They are deemed harmful and our inner compass is left doing aimless circles. At this point we reach out and find something that can guide us so we don’t have to listen to ourselves.
We never look back… Good bye true self.
I know what you are thinking, how do I know you so well? (Or those of you who are really hiding are thinking I am an idiot).
Either way, I have been there. I lived this scenario just like 95% of our country. It is almost automatic with the way we are brought up. Then one day I decided to open the fortress.
It wasn’t easy. How weird is that? The hardest thing I ever did in my life was admit what I really wanted and then go after it. I still don’t understand all of it.
The thing I want you understand is that it is possible. There is more. If you are hiding, you aren’t alone and it is normal. What I do isn’t as easy as people think it is. Learning exercises and nutrition is one thing but watching people fail who really want to succeed is hard. I didn’t understand how hard until I experienced it myself.
Whether you want to get fit, get a new job, find a spouse, improve your relationships, get energy, find passion, alleviate guilt, deal with pain, or simply just improve yourself is irrelevant. It all goes back to the one truth that we all pretend to believe:
I AM WORTH IT
There are no martyrs. You are not being a hero by suffering silently. Rationalizing being overweight by convincing yourself you have no time because of your family is teaching your kids to do the same. Staying in a job you hate just because you are scared to try something new is just perpetuating the prison where dreams die.
Time to step up.
Don’t believe me? Watch this video of one of our students.