“ The false face must hide what the false heart doth know.” – Shakespeare.
If reality is the life I have created and can only blame myself for creating then what are my dreams? Perhaps I have misrepresented these two dimensions? Perhaps the reality lies in the truest and purest form of desire, my dreams. I cover up that reality with a false face so the world can’t know what I am truly chasing. If the world knows then I can’t hide from it.
If the world knows then I am forced to act and the decision to act on what I am truly chasing is terrifying. It is terrifying to the point of I don’t even know what I am chasing. I have convinced myself to abandon my organic self and to create someone else to live in “reality.”
“This above all; to thine own self be true”
The simplest rule. A suggestion that has torn down the mightiest, the beautiful, the talented. How many years must pass before we break away from the mundane?
When the showdown happens and make no mistake it happens every day… our fabricated selves win most of the time.
We hide from our dreams and seek to falsely fulfill our lives through other means. Work, money, fitness, raising kids, material stuff, hobbies, TV, etc.
The human being is the most intricate organism on the planet. We can’t even figure ourselves out.
Here are some tips on how to achieve any goal.
Own it. There is a story we like to tell at TFW about Cortez and how when he landed on the shores of South America he was outnumbered 10-1. He looked at his men and told them to “burn the boats.” This is how we must view the things we really want. Accept it and push as hard as we can for it.
Make it known to the universe. If you own it but keep it a secret then your brain thinks you are performing an unlawful deed and you will subconsciously fight with yourself to do the work needed to achieve that goal. If you were to join a gym and not tell your friends or your family you would start making excuses not to go. “I’m tired today.” “Ah, I can’t skip this gathering, I will go tomorrow.” The same goes for all your goals. If you hide them then you start making excuses to not do them.
TEAM. That’s right. Look at the process. So far, we owned what we actually want. Then we told everyone what we are doing. The last step is to formulate a team to hold you accountable. In our gym we have an elite group. in this group, they have me to coach them but they also have each other in a private group to hold each other accountable. You cannot be afraid to call people out when needed and you cannot be angry when you get called out. These are essential tools and experiences that push us to become great and achieve what we really want.
Achieving goals that mean something to you isn’t easy. In fact, the more it means to you the harder it is to achieve. Stick to your guns and utilize this 3 step process over and over again.
In my experience, people cling to truths but turn them into crutches or sometimes lies. When we are scared of the answers we only ask questions we can manipulate. When we are confronted, we push out our chest and brandish our false code of honor with hope that people won’t see through us.
We seek to be validated by the outer world. The friends who enable us just want to have fun. The spouse who fights with us is jaded. The parents who just want to see us happy and are too scared to call us out. We carry our deepest desires in a place we no longer know how to access. We lock it in there with a key we hid deep in our narcism.
Our “memories” become walls that we have built up around our fortress of dreams and latent desires. These memories of pain, embarrassment, anger, sadness are protecting us from taking the risk of opening that fortress. If we were to open that door and embrace what we really want then we might have to change. We might have to give up things we are used to. We might have to learn new things. We will have to put down the weight of our delusions.
The problem is that we have created strong sentiments towards that weight. Those delusions have defined a large portion of ourselves that we identify with. It seems impossible, almost insane to put it down! It feels like we are abandoning ourselves and thus, the stories arise.
The minute the thought of change and expansion enters our heads we start rationalizing why we carry that weight.
“This is who I am. If people don’t like me then screw them.” (Translation: I made a mistake and instead of owning it I am reacting to your reaction).
“ Oh, that looks crazy. That isn’t me. I’m not like that” (translation: That looks cool but scary!)
“ I want to try that but what will my spouse think? what will my parents think? What will my friends say?” (Translation: people know me to be a certain way and I don’t want to disrupt that).
All of this happens in just seconds. Do you remember a time when an opportunity arose and it made you vibrate with nervousness? It made you blush and sweat? Then do you remember declining? What happens is that we get so scared to step into something new. To step outside our comfort zone that we become experts at avoiding these opportunities so we spare ourselves that feeling of fear. We usually get embarrassed when presented with those opportunities and that is when shame sets in.
We are ashamed that we said no and didn’t at least TRY. Once shame sets in our dreams and desires are the first thing to be cast away. They are deemed harmful and our inner compass is left doing aimless circles. At this point we reach out and find something that can guide us so we don’t have to listen to ourselves.
We never look back… Good bye true self.
I know what you are thinking, how do I know you so well? (Or those of you who are really hiding are thinking I am an idiot).
Either way, I have been there. I lived this scenario just like 95% of our country. It is almost automatic with the way we are brought up. Then one day I decided to open the fortress.
It wasn’t easy. How weird is that? The hardest thing I ever did in my life was admit what I really wanted and then go after it. I still don’t understand all of it.
The thing I want you understand is that it is possible. There is more. If you are hiding, you aren’t alone and it is normal. What I do isn’t as easy as people think it is. Learning exercises and nutrition is one thing but watching people fail who really want to succeed is hard. I didn’t understand how hard until I experienced it myself.
Whether you want to get fit, get a new job, find a spouse, improve your relationships, get energy, find passion, alleviate guilt, deal with pain, or simply just improve yourself is irrelevant. It all goes back to the one truth that we all pretend to believe:
I AM WORTH IT
There are no martyrs. You are not being a hero by suffering silently. Rationalizing being overweight by convincing yourself you have no time because of your family is teaching your kids to do the same. Staying in a job you hate just because you are scared to try something new is just perpetuating the prison where dreams die.
Time to step up.
Don’t believe me? Watch this video of one of our students.
The STRUGGLE is…..NOT REAL!!
It’s true we all face struggles in life. One area I believe almost all women can agree on is at one point or another the gym has been a struggle. Maybe it is for you and maybe it isn’t, but as a women myself I understand the struggles and have gone through them.
– not knowing what to do in the gym
– lack of motivation
– having no desire to work hard.
Ladies, at one point or another I have come face to face with these struggles. Let’s start with the first two: not knowing what to do in the gym and lack of motivation. I remember going to the gym freshmen year of college and being scared and intimated of the place. Being an athlete, my workouts were programmed for me so when I was left to make up and do my own routine I had NO IDEA like most new gym-goers.
What I should have done was talked to the trained staff that could have given me some advice or wrote up a routine for me. In the process of working with coaches you will learn your way around the gym, the equipment, and understand how to work what area of your body. Listening to your body is a huge part of training.
Showing up to the gym is actually very easy, but being motivated to go to the gym is difficult. Many women do not have the motivation to go to the gym by themselves and push themselves hard enough to even recall what they did in a training session. That is why I am a firm believer in group training. It has been proven by research that people exercise harder when they train with friends or with other people in a group. I know for a fact I train harder when I work out with my other coaches, with my friends, or when my students are watching me. If I am by myself sprinting I do not nearly sprint as fast as I do when I am with the other coaches.
At Training for Warriors (TFW) Ropestone, the group energy in the classes is immensely high, so high that it is impossible for people to slack off or to not be motivated. The things I see the most when I coach in my classes (I am sure my fellow coaches agree) are the unlimited high fives everyone is giving each other, the cheering each other on, and when I see students who complete their workout go stand right next to a student who is still finishing cheering them on before they even grab their water.
It’s amazing! In order to solve your lack of motivation problem join a gym that has good, high, supportive energy, and bring a friend with you. I guarantee you will be motivated when somebody in the class is cheering you on like you are about to win an Olympic Gold Medal.
Embarrassment and embracing the struggle.
The great thing about classes at TFW Ropestone, is that most of the students have been in your shoes so there is no need to be embarrassed.
Problem solved right? Didn’t think so! Change is scary…
I say it is exciting. You have to go out of your comfort zone if you want to be healthier, be fit, and have more out of life. Not only that, you have to be willing to work hard to get what you want. “If you do what you always have done, you get what you always have gotten.” The feeling of accomplishment is more powerful than the feeling of embarrassment. The trick is to get that first accomplishment.
TIP: start small. Accomplish one small thing instead of focusing on the monumental task you are thinking about.
“The road to someday leads to no-where.”
There are great facilities, programs, and coaches out there. When you do finally decide to focus on your health and join a gym, you need to push yourself and work hard!! Get out of that comfort zone and embrace the hard work. No matter how hard the training session is, I guarantee you have gone through harder moments in your life. If you approach those moments with the same grit you approach hard training sessions, I guarantee you will get through them both.
I am immune to fluff…
I don’t care for fads or small thinking. I want to help people who are serious about change. That is why I have created this series of FREE content.
This guide will serve you in your efforts to become the person you want to be. Like it or not we all want to look and feel great. Think about it, how much more confidence do we have when we look and feel great?
I have gone through the whole spectrum of it. I have looked good without feeling good because I did smash sessions. I have done crazy diets. I test things. I came up with a few simple steps to have it all, so-to-speak.
I want this guide to serve you in fulfilling both your desire to have the body you want but also have the self-confidnece and energy you want. Let this be your catalyst.
Step 1: Move.
Bootcamp lost its allure… they are dying fast. Crossfit is proven to be dangerous and unreliable. Zumba is fun but little more. What are we to do? There are so many fads out there I bet you don’t even know what to do?
Exercise is a step that is inevitable if you want to acquiesce to a better version of you but it has to be done efficiently to get results.
I know most of you who read this are either working out at home, not at all, or at a gym and not getting results. I have outlined below a simple routine to do ANYWHERE, even at work.
TIP: Regress the things you can’t do. I showed regressions in the video. I have seen too many people NEVER do a pushup because they refused to perform the proper regression to get there. No more ego. Start where you have to start and enjoy the journey of progression.
Below there are 5 exercises that will work your entire body. They are simple, yet the crux of any good fitness program. In the video I will show an easy, medium, and hard version of all 5 and 2 ways to go through the routine.
Set up a timer and perform 3 rounds:
Round 1: 30 seconds on each exercise with 20 second break in between
Round 2: 40 seconds on each exercise with 20 second break
Round 3: 1 minute on each (if advanced) back to 30 seconds (if tired) with 20 seconds break.
Watch this video to see how the exercises are performed:
Step 2: Eat fat. Particularly eggs.
I spent a lot of time researching nutrition in the past and I am a huge fan of a high fat diet. Yes, you have to eat the right fats. No, it doesn’t work for everyone but in my experience more people than not benefit from a higher fat diet.
For a more comprehensive look at nutrition download our FREE manual:
TFW Success Manual
Fat does so much in the body. From cellular integrity to removing cholesterol in the body. Fat is also a more efficient fuel to burn when you are recovering. Think about it, do you spend more time working out or recovering? If the answer was working out then you need a whole new article.
We spend more time recovering because we are at work, sleeping, or playing with the kids. Fat is a slow burning fuel which you burn all day. Below are some healthy fats you should be eating every week.
Almonds, Walnuts, Pecans
Animal fat (at times)
Check out this past article I wrote on eggs:
Why You Should Eat Eggs
Step 3: Support
This cannot be understated. I know from my own life, and I am a top conditioning coach, that I need training partners to push me. The fact is, there are some days where I am tired, sore, or stiff and I just don’t want to move.
Having 2-3 people you can rely on to be there and hold you accountable is paramount to a lasting relationship with health. A good place to find a training partner is at home. Chances are, your spouse is looking to get in shape and couples that sweat together… STAY TOGETHER! Have fun with it.
Support from your training partners is important but supporting and celebrating yourself is where it starts. Read these short blog posts to discover the real you!!!
Dream, Then Dream Again
4. Intermittent Movement.
That’s right… the human body was not meant to sit down all day. We were meant to move. Your 40-60 minutes at the gym is great but how about adding in movement every hour at work or at home?
I am not talking workouts. I am talking very quick bursts of stretching and/or activity.
IF YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR FAT-LOSS ON THE FAST TRACK… DO THIS
It might be 3-5 burpees. It might be a couple of chin-ups or 10 situps. These are reset buttons and it gets the blood pumping.
I DO NOT want to hear: “i don’t have time.” OR “People will look at me funny.” If you are at work, and I don’t care what job you have; you have time to pump out 5 burpees, pushups, a few stretches and etc.
5. Drink Water!
People site research nowadays right and left. Literally, look to your right and find a gym and ask them about “studies.” Look to your left, find a gym and do the same. You will find 2 different opinions on the same subject. The fact is, we are made of primarily liquid. Water is the only thing that can truly keep your fluid replenished. DRINK IT. Not Gatorade, not Soda… WATER.
You will sleep better which means you will recover better, which means you will burn fat better.
We all heard the 8 glasses/ day thing. That is close enough. The cool thing about water is that it is a trick to make yourself feel full.
Here is game to play. Drink a big glass of water when you first wake up. THE FIRST THING. Before coffee, before brushing your teeth, before anything. Watch how it curbs your hunger. That puts you in a position of power to choose a healthy breakfast.
Another spiritual concept. That’s right, I think being consistent is spiritual. I have found peace in finding a system. I live my life by a code and when I am consistent with it, I thrive. When I stray from my code I am irritable, unhealthy, and frankly… a jerk.
Be consistent with these small steps and they will add up to big things. I hurt my shoulder a while ago and I have been virtually unable to train in the bench press, overhead press, and many forms of the push-up that I used to do. I have lost no strength because I do these steps. Why do you think I am writing this post? I fell off of the wagon too. Transitioning from a coach to a coach/business owner was hard for me. I had to step back and find a system that works. This is it.
Life is fun. It challenges us. you may find yourself crying over what was lost. Laughing over what was reframed. Angry over what was taken. happy over what was found. The only constant I have found to be true is that tomorrow is filled with opportunity. I can CHOOSE to be any one of the emotions above. When I do the things I said I would do, I get the things I said I wanted. I hope you do too.
If you are interested in FINALLY getting to where you want to be by learning more about what makes our gym so successful then fill out this form for our FREE SEMINAR!
FREE Seminar Registration
I am not sure if you are aware but every Sunday I take some time to search for insights. Ok I am being modest, I do that every day but Sunday in particular.
When I was a kid I always loved poetry and literature but I refused to write anything of my own that wasn’t completely original. I had this thought that all insights had to be organic. All my ideas had to be monumental or they weren’t worth it.
That is cool if you are Emerson and have an overflow of ideas but the rest of us don’t get “ah hah!” moments that frequently. That means we have to search for them. Insights are funny though, once you find them… you have to act on them!
An insight, or ah hah moment is like a workout. IF you do one you feel good that day. But if you build on them then you feel amazing the rest of your life.
This weekend I wanted to lay out my plans for this week but I wasn’t feeling clear on my goals so I decided to go lie next to my sleeping son and I felt an overwhelming sense of love and purpose. I could have left it at that but I didn’t. I went and wrote out my goals for the week and reviewed my long term goals.
That one extra step of taking action is how we move from motivated to inspired. From acutely happy to perpetual mirth. From staying the same to expanding.
I found out yesterday that my son will always make me happy BUT he also has the power to make me better. It is my job to act on that power.
If a person is settled in life, they will stay settled unless inspired by an outside force. That person will then heat up internally but in order to elicit action that person needs to accept that they have control over their life. If this is not done within the first 10 seconds of inspiration it will not get done and they must wait for the next opportunity.
I was just as lost, scared, and angry as anybody. I know how hard it can be to step up. Which is why I have unflinching faith that all of you have the ability to expand and grow into the people you always wanted to be.
“Time to live,
Time to die
Time to laugh
Time to cry”
The age of “inspiration” is upon us. Every “guru” (aka: jack-***) on the planet is now an expert in motivation and piggy backing on the latest nutrition manual while standing on a bosu doing single leg squats barking out advice. Needless to say I am tired of it and a little fired up. I have been thinking about why in the age of fitness we are fatter than ever? Despite all these fitness “experts” and in-home training programs, and healthy choices at work we are STILL not getting better.
You know what? At TFW Ropestone we are not going to call ourselves experts anymore. I don’t care about the latest journal findings on how neuromuscular stimulation is increased through single leg squats on the Bosu. We are going to tell it to you straight. That is why I am going to be in your face with this article and tell you the 3 reasons why you still aren’t in shape and you still haven’t become the person you always wanted to be.
We call it Access- Accountability- Association All 3 of these points I am about to make I have take from all of you. Real people I have either interacted with, interviewed, or talked to through Facebook.
My intention is to hit you int he gut. That is always my intention. I am not sitting here writing to you for my benefit. I want you to succeed. Get serious, get ready, and GET BETTER.
1. Family life isn’t right. If your balance is out of whack then you are substantially decreasing your likelihood for success. If you follow my articles then you know I know that one from personal experience. This means that if you are a stay at home mom and you put your entire family before your own needs you are going to be depressed and eventually burn out. This also means that if your relationship to your spouse isn’t all that it was or you want it to be, you will also fall into a state of despair and refuse to admit it.
QUICK TIP: Make a list of all the things you do for your family. Then list all the things you do for yourself. Which list is longer? You don’t even have to answer, the family list is. The problem is if you never give yourself time for self-improvement you will begin to hate yourself and lose self-esteem. When I say I want you to do things for yourself I do not mean pedicures and massages. Those are great but that doesn’t improve you at your core.
Meditation, kick-bpxing, yoga, the gym, journaling, sports hobbies: these are all things to improve either your physical state or your mental state.
Start being selfish in these ways and watch the fulfillment in your life and your family’s life sky rocket.
2. You believe the stories they tell. Anger says that your husband is an asshole who doesn’t help around the house and you should be resentful of him. Love says you should forgive your husband because it makes the kid’s lives happier. There is a period of rest and happy things. Maybe a weekend getaway. You still haven’t done anything for yourself and you start to gain weight. Then sadness says that you are really bad off and you start to get scared of the gym or doing something for yourself. Then your husband joins a gym or does something and fear tells you that he is up to no good or he is selfish and you instead of taking action for yourself you FIGHT!
REPEAT THAT CYCLE over and over and over
QUICK TIP: Step off that path of story telling. Look at the situation and take action towards something positive. I can empathize with this situation because I was the husband. Then I saw it from my wife’s eyes and had a HUGE breakthrough. Then I started to see it in my students. It is almost everyone. It might be in early stages, or progressed to a bad place but everyone goes through this stuff. It isn’t embarrassing. It is just life.
Imagine a world where you don’t let your emotions take over and every time you get upset or start telling yourself stories you take action towards happiness? history says that you are going to move towards happiness pretty fast because we are emotional beings and that is a lot of steps!
3. Time – Money- Ability
This one is by far the least important. Unfortunately, it becomes the priority. Sensationalism of the being. I honestly have to laugh. I went through all of these guys. All three tips in this article I have personal experience with. That is why I can talk about it with integrity. I am not going to spend much time here because you all know that if you put priority on yourself and your health then you will “find” the time and money. It’s called budgeting.
The ability aspect is a bit harder to crack. In my experience people who struggle have a combination of all 3 of these points going on but the dominating excuse isn’t money or time, it is ability. They think they can’t do it. For some it stems from a long line of critics in their life telling them they can’t do things. Then we are so embarrassed about where we are at physically that we just can’t give ourselves permission to get better. Either way, it isn’t true.
QUICK TIP: You deserve where you are at right now because of the choices you have made BUT you have the ability to get better. I believe anyone in any situation can get better. I trained a 70 year old woman who was in a wheel chair and could only use her right arm at the YMCA many years back. I also trained a young girl who was developmentally challenged. She was not given long to live and still she trained to get better. You may be in a place you do not want to be but you do have every ability to get better.
Difficult conversations need to be had guys. The only way I was able to get better is because I got real, raw, and relevant with my own life. This is how we do it at TFW Ropestone. I find that the only way to get people to where they want to be is to be real with them. This article is your chance to get real.
“I lift things Up…..And I Put Them DOWN!!!!”
Maybe I am a little bit of a Thor superfan, but this was one of my favorite scenes in the Avengers: Age of Ultron movie. The point this movie clip provides is it does not matter who you are everybody likes being able to lift heavy things off the ground. At TFW Ropestone and in strength and conditioning we call the act of lifting heavy things deadlifting.
No questions asked this is my favorite lift to do and that is probably because I have truly dedicated my time learning it and perfecting my technique. I bet if Captain America perfected his deadlifting technique he would have been able to lift Thor’s hammer.
Now many people want to deadlift, but are intimidated by it or are nervous to hurt themselves. Well I am here to tell you to not be scared! Yes the deadlift is very technical and it takes time to master, but the great news is there are many different variations to the deadlift that can make the exercise safe and enjoyable for everyone.
In this post I am going to list and explain what I believe are the 7 crucial points to deadlifting as well as show 6 different ways to perform a deadlift in my video series. Now keep in mind as I explain the 7 crucial points to the deadlift that I am talking about the conventional way to deadlift with a straight bar, but essentially most of these points can be applied to any style of deadlift.
Here are what I believe (in no particular order) the seven crucial points to deadlifting:
The first thing is when deadlifting you want your feet flat on the floor, this is why at TFW Ropestone all of our members either deadlift barefoot or in very flat shoes. This is because in deadlifting you want to be picking up the weight up with all the muscles in the back of your legs and in order to do this you have to drive your heels into the ground. Second is you want the bar to start in a position where it is physically touching your shins and stay in contact with you throughout the entire lift, this is to ensure a proper pull. The third thing is it is important that when setting yourself up or bringing the weight down during repetitions that you push your butt back towards the wall. The deadlift is a hip dominant movement meaning that the main movement is occurring at the hips. Pushing the butt back will engage the muscles in the back of the legs like the glutes and the hamstrings. Number four while deadlifting, maintain a flat back throughout the entire lift, remember you want to lift with the back of your legs not your back. The fifth thing, stick the chest out, this can be done by squeezing your armpits and engaging the lats (the big back muscle). Number six, keep the arms straight! By bending your arms to pick up the weight you are sending signals to your brain subconsciously that your arms are going to pick the weight up instead of your legs. Lastly number seven, keep the chin tucked and the eyes looking at the ground about 2 feet in front of you. This will result in a more successful lift instead of a strain in the neck and in the vertebrae column.
Now at this point everybody should be excited and eager to start deadlifting. As I have already said yes the deadlift is very technical which can make it frustrating, but if done correctly the deadlift can be a very rewarding exercise. It helps strengthen all of the posterior chain muscles (includes the lower back, glutes, hamstrings, and calves) which when strengthened helps with posture. One of my favorite benefits from deadlifting is not only does it help tone up the legs making them look lean, they also build/ tone the gluteus maximus muscle which makes for a nice looking butt. The best part about deadlifting is who does not like saying they lifted 100, or 200, or 300 pounds off the ground? Now I am not saying that perfecting your deadlift is going to help you lift Thor’s hammer, but anything is possible if you believe in yourself ;).
We are all living through the stories we tell ourselves. Incoherent memories and distorted perceptual concepts of our egos. The only question is whether or not we can stand ourselves? Although most of us would never admit to self-loathing, you can always spot people who are discontent. They tend to see the negative in most of their endeavors. It got me thinking about those people who have or had the ability to change their perception of themselves.
The measure of a person’s resolve is not determined by their “willpower” but by their ability to rise above the incessant misery of moments past and consistently expand with abundant love, honor, and growth. Willpower is a term to describe how you resist cake. Rising above the voices of our minds isn’t willpower; it is self-awareness.
I want you to consider the possibility that you aren’t living in full power. You resist doing what you want to do because you have a story in your head about why you shouldn’t do it. You don’t do the things you said you were going to do because you have justifications you cling to. You aren’t in the shape you want to be in, make the money you want to make, or have as much sex as you want because of the kids, work, I AM TOO BUSY. Right?
When we take away the constraints of conventional thinking we can see deep into vast oddity. The perception of our lives is stripped away and we can function through instinctive power. We have space to see what really matters and the power to hold that space so we can expand.
When we believe our stories that we aren’t good at something or that we have no time then the idea of bad and good is blurred and a haze of indecisive pain and fear cripple our ability to want to accomplish what we really desire to do. We are anchored in the peril of the unknown and the dream of the life we want but think we cannot have it.
The truth is that we can have anything. Not only have I witnessed my mentors achieve it. I have seen my friends do it. I am also living proof. The only obstacle in our is ourselves.
We don’t invest in ourselves the way we should because we don’t believe we deserve it. There is a precedent that we were born into that conditions us to think deep down we don’t deserve to truly love ourselves. When we are young we are made to follow rules. We might not agree with these rules but if we don’t follow them we are told we are “bad.”
hmmm… Subconsciously we are taught that what we want is bad and most of us continue that thought process all of our lives.
That is the genius behind popular commodities. It preys on the vulnerability of our ego. It briefly fills the void we have within. When we buy that $800 purse or a boat we are sedating our desire to love ourselves. The levity we feel after buying something is short lived for a reason, the situation isn’t that we need more stuff. The situation is that we haven’t unconditionally accepted ourselves which means we can’t love ourselves. Which in turn means we won’t invest in ourselves.
We start comparing our lives to the lives others. Self-limiting dialogue slowly entices us into a fight between the two wolves inside of everyone. The jealous, angry, resentful, greedy, and self conscious wolf starts to get fed and the empathetic, happy, strong, and confident wolf starts to starve. Thus leading to the unfulfilled, depressed, and sedated version of yourself.
Why is it that the people at Planet Fitness don’t see results? Why do parents often become overweight? The answer to these questions might scare you. It will scare you to the point you might stop reading and unsubscribe from my blog.
I get it… I won’t be offended because I was there at one time. I refused to admit that I was telling myself stories and that is why I was unsuccessful. That is why my family never really saw the happiness we have now. That is why I made poor decisions and lost my temper a lot.
The reason people are overweight and not fulfilled is because most people are not ok. Parents a lot of times start living their lives for their kids and for work and then completely lose touch with themselves. This leads to depression. That depression expresses itself in the form of becoming overweight, angry and yelling all the time, or worse.
When you lose touch with yourself you secretly stop accepting and respecting yourself. That is when you stop investing in yourself. You stop expanding to new levels. Hence, overeating, overspending, and picking fights with your spouse.
“I don’t have time to take the weekend off and go to that course on stress relief. The family needs me. “
“Who has time or money for the gym?” I am going to get a new car instead.
“I already know how to do that… I don’t need someone to tell me.” (My favorite)
If you are honest you have used AT LEAST one of these excuses before. I know I have. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I asked myself the real question. The question that changed my life forever.
What if I don’t do it?
YIKES! I was staring at some bad situations directly in the face when an opportunity fell into my lap. A VERY expensive opportunity that required me to leave my family for a whole week during a time when I shouldn’t have left….
What if I didn’t?
My life would be a completely different story now and I am willing to wager, a much worse story. There is a reason why I wanted to get real with you guys. This is the raw truth that most people are too scared to admit.
I was not ok. I was not happy.
When I admitted these truths, I was free to expand. The scary truth is that only about 1% of you will be brave enough to admit it by yourself but I hope to inspire more of you. I want to show you there is more! Life is not over. Get out of autopilot!!!!
If you are unfulfilled, unhappy, depressed, or you really want to do something that will make YOU better. Just ask yourself the magic question and if the answer is:
– Get Worse
– Stay the same
Then have the courage to change your path and do something to change it.
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We are about to embark on a rant for the ages. I apologize ahead of time because this is going to hurt some of you. I promise, it is for your own good. Last week someone talked my ear off about coconut water and all its benefits and how ionized water is better than some other water. Honestly, I lost interest. Someone else a couple days ago wanted to engage in a conversation about the efficacy of doing shoulder presses in the gym. Just today one of my students was talking about how many sit-ups one needs to do to burn a lot of fat.
MY EYES ARE GLAZING OVER
I want to save you all a lot of time and energy with guru knowledge and pointless chatter. First off, if you are arguing the difference between ionized water and coconut water you are lost my friends. I was there too. Don’t be too offended. Sometimes we let our ego get in the way of actually doing work. Trainers always want to be the guy/girl with the most knowledge and then we think that knowledge makes us better than everyone. This phenomena extends past the gym and to you guys too. I hear it all the time in public or even with friends.
“P90X is the best because there is multi-joint exercises that challenge the type 2 muscles.”
“Insanity is so great because it utilizes muscle confusion and keeps your body guessing”
“Weight training makes you bulky, body weight is the way to go”
The problem with all this talk about how to keep your body guessing and what is the better, the push-up or the bench press is that people are so busy being the “expert” they forget to actually do the stuff.
I will say something that will make most coaches and trainers shriek: The science doesn’t really matter.
It doesn’t matter whether or not you should do intermittent fasting or lift weights. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t committed to getting better and doing the work. You can cut 500 calories out of your diet and run in a circle for an hour and lose weight. It isn’t rocket science people! The thing that does matter is how committed you are. The rest is just icing on the cake. Here is a tale of 3 real students I had over the years.
1. This guy lost about 50lbs before he even came in. He was dedicated and did it all through nutrition and he said flat out: ” I am a changed man and I need guidance now.” We went on to completely transform him and he still comes in today.
2. A person came in and lost 70lbs. Most committed person I have seen (at least up there in the top 10). One day I don’t see her and I can’t tell you how she is doing now.
3. This person came in and stayed for a long time. NEVER lost any real fat. They just couldn’t put the food down.
All the guru knowledge and fitness journals can’t save you. All the books and new crazy workouts won’t save you. If you don’t change in your head, you won’t change in your body. It is a fact. Even if you do a crash diet and train your ass off and lose a ton of weight, if you don’t change mentally you will gain it all back. Person number 1 changed mentally. He was ready to crush life. Are you?
My expertise doesn’t lie in the latest Precision Nutrition certification or how many kilocalories are burned on every rep of the deadlift. My expertise lies in the fact that I am impervious to bullshit.
Below are the keys to the kingdom. I am giving away the secrets of TFW Ropestone’s success. Ready?
If you don’t perform, I will call you out. If you don’t do the work, I will call you out. It is that simple.
ACCESS — ACCOUNTABILITY— ASSOCIATION
What does that mean? If you want to get results then this is what you need to do:
1. Find a gym that you like. There is so much debate over Crossfit, bootcamps, personal training. I DON’T GIVE A HOOT. I have nothing against any of it. I just want you to find a place you resonate with because that is how you will get things done. Just be sure they know what they are talking about.
2. You need to be held accountable. Some people need different levels of accountability but someone to hold you to your word: DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO DO
3. Work with a team. We call it a familia at TFW. Who is your team???
This post is meant to scare you.
I aim to challenge you to step up. Entertain the idea you have more to offer. Look within yourself and ask if you can do better?
I want you to have the courage to admit to yourself that perhaps you are held back by intellectual restraints. Metaphorical chains that were unknowingly placed on you at an early age.
Your thoughts dictate your words. Your words dictate your actions, and your actions determine your legacy.
“I may sit here and think but those thoughts may not determine who I am.” In recent months I have dedicated quite a bit of time separating my being from my brain. Simply put: my brain is separate from my heart, or spirituality as one might put it.
There is a calming interconnectedness between your being and the universe. When you are present with yourself in a state of awareness then you feel an esoteric elation. Something not even capable of being explained. We have all had glimpses of it. But that is it… a glimpse, a momentary shift in power. The mind and ego are overtaken by the subdued power of our being for a brief moment. We can experience a real, raw, relevant joy but unfortunately, the mind is quick to reel you back in.
The experience one feels doing something great in sports… followed by the dread of living up to that new standard.
winning an award… followed by the good old: “ahh I got lucky.”
The true bliss of a happy moment with your spouse… followed by the self-fulfilling prophecy of the next fight.
Whatever your individual poison may be, I can say with almost certainty that your brain and your being are struggling for power. Our brain will shift to what is easy, not what is good. Look at this situation: A man comes home from work and is exhausted. He comes home to a wife that is equally exhausted from taking care of the kids and working. She wants to do dishes and laundry and make the nest a place of comfort and the man is a more practical entity so he wants to unwind on the couch and save that stuff for later. A fight ensues because neither wants to compromise. She is crazy and overbearing and he is lazy!
Who is right?
I will have you consider that no one is right. They are both just acting from commands that their brain is putting forth. The feminine being wants to fill space. If there is a bare wall then she must hang a picture. If there is silence then she wants to talk or be active. A masculine being wants to do only what is practical and needed so if he is tired then he wants to rest. If he does not have anything to say then he is silent.
Here is the interesting part. If they had both been in touch with their being then they would have been present enough to realize what was happening. Their minds were trying to control the situation. If they were self-aware and identified with their being then they could have said hello to their thoughts and intrinsically decided to alter their paths. The man and woman would have done the dishes together had some laughs and everyone is happy. The man gets to unwind with his wife by laughing and the woman gets the dishes done and saves the laundry for tomorrow. BOOM.
This situation was my situation. That is why I know it works. We are conditioned to identify with our thinking brain rather than our being and that is why we act on impulse and react to emotions. One can alter this path by recognizing a situation like the one above before it turns into the fight. The catch is, you have to do the work.
What is the work? I am glad you asked…
We will start with these 3 simple but challenging tasks:
1. Practice being aware of yourself daily. Keep a journal. When you feel yourself fill up with emotion and go to react to it. DON’T. That is a brain reaction. Notice that you are feeling the emotion, say hi to it and let it pass. I used to practice this with road rage. Then I practiced at home. Then I even practiced with happy emotions. Keep a journal if you can because you will see a pattern develop.
2. Go outside your comfort zone. Do things you wouldn’t normally do. I mean this with all my heart. I used to think I was the busiest person in the world. I honestly thought I had no time for dishes or anything else. I WAS WRONG. I started to listen to my being and not my brain and I found time. Many philosophers and erudite thinkers have said: “time is just a matter of perception.” I am LIVING PROOF.
3. Confront your fears. This is the one a lot of people won’t do. Flat out refuse. In fact, most people refuse to admit they have fears. I am not talking spiders and snakes here. I am talking childhood issues. Marital issues, abnormal stress, whatever YOUR fear is… confront it! Put it out there. Say hi to it and it will slowly cease to have power. The more you confront your problems the faster they dissolve. They might not go away, you can’t fix everything but the more in tune with yourself you become the less you care about “problems” and the more you care about what matters.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” – Henry David Thoreau
I spent the first portion of my life’s work telling people it isn’t too late to change your fitness level, it isn’t too late to get fit. Eat right. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It is immensely important to have a healthy lifestyle but that isn’t where we start. Where we start is getting your head right. Learning how to implement habits. Retrain your brain to dissolve strife, not avoid it. To embrace the deep punch in the gut you feel when you embark on a new journey towards what you want. It isn’t easy work. It isn’t without fear or pain. It is where we see you transform from a person existing to a person thriving.
Take the next step, learn more about our Orca Excursions and how to be present: https://tfwropestone.wufoo.com/forms/orca-empire-1-day-excursion-application/